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KEAGAN SAYS.
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31 December 2005
paroxysm. A sudden outburst of emotion or action ok. i duno wd got into me today?! im suppose to be happy!! had 4 GRACE gathering and all.. but no, i juz cant. all the smiles are no longer genuine, no longer the same. like how everyth has changed. suddenly all the emotions and feelings came rushing back. i miss u! i cant hold it down any longer i juz miss u.. I've never been the kind To ever let my feelings show And I thought that being strong Meant never losing your self-control But I'm just drunk enough To let go of my pain To hell with my pride Let it fall like rain from my eyes Tonight I wanna cry. For U, and JACE. Don't shut me out maybe baby We should talk about it Cause you've got your doubts but maybe, baby They might be unfounded Have a little faith you'll make it through I'd never hesitate to talk to you If you tell me just what's weighing on your mind Maybe it could help you sleep tonight So don't shut me out And here I am when you need someone My shoulder's yours to cry upon And everybody now and then Needs an understanding friend around So don't shut me out The sun will rise tomorrow come what may And you'll feel better than you do today And in time you'll cry no more I know cause my heart's been there before Listen to your heart and clear your mind And you will find the answer every time Every road you travel on will lead To where it is your heart's supposed to be And here I am when you need someone My shoulder's yours to cry upon And everybody now and then Needs an understanding friend around So don't shut me out So don't shut me out, don't shut me out, don't shut me out
29 December 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE!!! 
over at attitude's.  JACE and I. oh and attitude's dog in the pic too! (right in btwn) ok. hmm.. she's not bad. really. but i din say she's nice... juz not bad. ttz cuz she was shockingly hospitable. haha..!!! totally different from her nick - attitude. impressed. yup! worth considering.. but whoever has her as a fren haiz.. *shake head* nothing say. haha.. fine i'm juz kidding. updates. spent time alone for the past two days as adviced. no computer, no phone, no nth. anyway will make this a quick one before i rush over to attitude's place with JACE's cheese prata. argh yes.. im pissed! went for class at SSDC and i lost my freakin wallet!! im sorry but i juz gotta whine! #$@*&? %! ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! i juz bought the damn wallet juz replace the damn atm card for less then TWO weeks!! ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! now everyth is gone! sheesh.... nvm. still happy =) went to catch king kong.. after my endless whinning it was gene's treat since i lost my wallet ahaha.. THANK YOU! and i want my bek teh ni!!! King kong was great! really. i was crying throughout the last one hour! it was damn good. practically the whole theatre was sobbing like shit ahaha and once i stepped out of the cinema everyone started to stare! argh. do i look like some weird freako to u?? sheesshh.. its juz swollen eyes wdz wrong?? i din know it was tt bad k so stop laughing!! i juz needed to cry. im not heartless like somebody. but haha ttz prob my stored tears for the past 1week. hmmmm... ohoh... and my haagen-daaz ice cream cap mysteriously went missing in 7-11.. hahaha the whole incident was damn ridiculous till now i still had no idea where my cap went. okok juz some updates as requested. hitting the tub!
27 December 2005
Presents, prezzies and more Presents!  its over-piling!! and mommy's killing me!! ahhhhh!!! stop nagging... i know boxing day is over, i know my room is in a big mess, i know i need to clear the room before i move. i know i know. argh! im sorry people.. you guys gotta recieve ur prez later this year. im not even done with jace's!! nvm. i'm saving the best for the last!! dear santa.. u will help to deliver my presents wont u??? love elf.
26 December 2005
gift of hope.  haha i feel lame for once.. juz finish unwrapping all my lovely prezzies and now im wrapping them. argh. 7 more to go...... and im alrdy running out of wrappers!! oh wells.. gotten many prezzies many cards.. a BIG thank you. but where is the real gift i've been wanting to recieve?? a gift tt i've been wishing for, hoping for, waiting for this very christmas. it has a person attached to it, it comes in an ordinary wrapper, it cost nothing to get (priceless) but it cost something to give. a friendship. anyhows.. did all my catchin up as well... here's one of them kaiqi wrote: heyyy...!! howz life?!! bet u dun even rmbr me! nvm u shd rmbr jace?? haha.. anyhows.. its christmas time so thought of catching up yup till den Merry Xmas!! lexy lex's reply.. hey... wats up.. of coz i rem u you.. tsk..jace??? laugh! its been years i din see her.. dunno whr e hell she gone to.. life as bored.. last time is much more happening.. now.. all i do is work.. work and only work.. wat abt you? anw, merry christmas to you.. hope u enjoy urself.. yea, catch up real soon.. this number _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .. call me anytime.. take care.. see you.. its been so long... let me count. hmmm.. the last time i saw or tok to her was like 3yrs ago?! or was it 4? anyway ya.. its THAT long!! yup yup ttz all for now.. back to wrapping yawns. the long awaited. Boxing day!!! anticipation??  its abt time.....  i juz love christmas!!! 
25 December 2005
The annunciation.  take a close look at... 1. adam and eve being chased out of garden of eden (top left hand corner) 2. prophet Isaiah (top center) 3. the inverted scripts (center) 4. the close garden (left hand side) 5. the palm tree (left hand side) check out these five points and make this christmas a meaningful one!! all i want for xmas... the gift worth recieving. almost done with my xmas shopping.. argh. hoping to clear the last few on my list and the freakin thunder storm juz killed me! it left me with only 2 pathetic hours to finish up my shopping for 8 ppl? crappy shit! damn rush!! the gift worth giving. was definately not easy to figure. anyhows.. went for christmas service back at mt carmel. stretching out once more for God's outstretched hand it was great! really. was singing with joy and all.. and for the very first time i sang not juz for the sake of singing i confess. even took down notes from the sermon/message. whoa.... totally impressive! something i took from the message today.. christmas may be a jolly season for most but not all. however dejected or lonely u are this christmas.. be reminded that God is with u. He gave his ppl hope on this very day when Jesus Christ was born. he came to Earth as one amazing gift, in one amazing night. Why have You chosen me out of millions Your child to be You know of all the wrong that i have done Oh how could You pardon me forgive my iniquity To save me, give Jesus Your son i am amazed to know that a God so great could love me so is willing and wanting to bless His grace is so wonderful His mercy so bountiful i cant understand it, i confess But Lord help me be what u want me to be Your word i will strive to obey My life I now give for You I will live And walk by Your side all the way. ok smth light? check this out!! The 4 marks of a precious gift. 1) always has a person attached to it. hmmm...?? 2) often comes in ordinary wrappers. i see... 3) cost nothing to get ... and 4) cost something to give. so ... did u recieve any gift ttz worth recieving? or give any gift ttz worth giving? i did!!  she's my precious gift =) hohoho... MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!
24 December 2005
at last. im finally done with my new layout!! woohoo!! =) will blog about maestro in awhile.. stay tune!! oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN!! you know i love u!! dont u?? ahahaaha..... ya so please take care of urself u do deserve better. =) hey wait so do i!!
22 December 2005
For cindy. please be happy. i duno wd else to say or wd can i do im such a failure myself. but for wdeva reason please be happy. and i really do miss u!! and the time we used to share. here always even though i cant do much. tiramisu?? or chocalate? ferrero roche?? (wdeva u spell it) ttz all i can do to take ur mind of him for juz tt split sec. hope u like ur ice cream though. =) smile gurl.. love u lots k?? -hugs Tonight i pray. *cindy* nO mE gUStA QuiMiCa says: christmas is the season whereby many hearts got broken hmmm.. how true?? the effort u r putting in?? prob 100% or simply zero?? i duno. ok i shall not question. nvm. i believe and tt explains why im trying. Its really hard for me i hope u will understand its wasnt easy for me at all wasnt easy for me to admit my liking for u wasnt easy for me to fall for someone like u wasnt easy for me to like someone all over again after so so long (ttz if u know abt my past) i took so long so long to pluck up my courage to love once more i din expect anything not even ur feelings in return.. yet u gotta keep tellin me that we are better off as frenz why? why is tt so? arent we frenz now? arent we frenz a month ago? so wdz wrong?? why cant we remain as before? i din expect or even asked u to be mine so y is there rejection?? i juz want things like before how u used to msg me every now & den how u used to call and whine to cheer u up to entertain u to sayang u to listen to ur stories and crap to pat u to sleep and the list goes on and on u werent leadin me on back den why the change?? u treated me the same even after i admit my liking for u u treated me the same after u told me tt u din wana hurt me and tt u will be my bestest fren y the extreme coldness now?? its scaring me. i know u r tryin but wdz there to try? to be nice and not lead me on? -be the same as before. am i asking for too much? i wun think tt u r leadin me on y wld i think tt way? especially after all ur reminders of "juz frenz only" ok i know this will juz piss u off further but im not pushing u. neither am i making any assumptions i juz want u to be true true with ur feelings true with ur thoughts i know there's something more to it ttz y u r feeling the awkwardness and the uncomfort. i know. im sure im not assuming. and ur avoidance, its so much stronger den before understand tt u feel bad (ttz if u really do) juz want u to know that im not being nice juz cuz i like u ttz so freakin shallow sighh. i really wana know wdz wrong. i juz wana be frenz be there for u like before. fine, maybe u need some time to adjust. like u always say u do things for a reason. i shall not push u further i am sorry juz hope to hear from u soon. tgt with the reason why. am praying tt you will be fine im sure u will praying hard tt the pressure and uncomfort can be taken away so u wun be too tired running away from it. dear god.. i need an answer to it to wdz happening to me to everything ttz happening. is this ur so called obstacle for me once more?? why izit so? why do i always have to learn the hard way? harder den anybody around me? shdnt wd happened two yrs back be more den enough?! for all ttz happening, tt happened for a reason.. please lead me back to christ im back sliding no more tonight i pray in jesus name, amen.
21 December 2005
a night without u. wana know where u are wana know where u went beginning to not know where i stand or simply how much i meant worried.. when i dun get to c u online when u dun reply im glad the transfer din get thru.. where can u go with juz 30bucks? for days u seem fine or maybe i was juz too caught up with my own prob im sorry i really am prayin at this very moment nth should go wrong drizzles falling.. u shall be protected with the showers of love from god.
20 December 2005
Please Grow UP. shessh...!!! so wd if im childish so wd if i am? pon biz stats ytd as well as biz accounts today two more papers to go... micro and macro argh.. i know if i miss micro as well char's gonna kill me but i really dun wana go even though im so damn well prepared for micro ahaha maybe not. only that i went thru all the lecture n tutorials twice oh crap the thought of micro = pukes hmmm.. stayin home wasnt that bad after all you should be glad hearing this haven been sobbing much guess its juz home! i love mommy i love dad and i love my grandpapa too!! told mommy grandpapa is gonna get 1/3 of wd i have in bank now.. fine i know i only left with 300 bucks for this month but still... 100 is alot k!! equivalent to wd my aunt is givin him every month feel so proud of myself dun worry grandpapa kaiqi's here to take care of u.. shesssh make myself sound so great only
cant even take care of myself maybe i should juz forgo my driving lessons?? sighh i still wana drive u around..
18 December 2005
Breathe Again. Have u wondered how it feels when its all over Wondered how it feels when u juz have to start anew Never knowin where u are going When u face a brand new day it used to be that way Now i juz close my eyes and say I juz wana breathe again Learn to face the joy and pain Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little live a little more I juz wana face today Forget abt the woes of ytd Maybe if i hope a little try a little more I'll breathe again Starting out again is never easy Disappointments come and go but life still moves on With a bit of luck It's a brand new start That might juz work my way No need to walk away Dun wana live on life replay Things will work out fine If u find the courage to look past the nite To see the break of dawn.
17 December 2005
mixed feelings. ok. she's back home. am i ... happy? or sad?? anyway... thanks char!! i know i nearly killed you with econs!! cant help it if i dun like the chicken meat and feathers ritee.. ahaaha i'm so sorry. and stop being mean la.. both of them are nice. okok and i will try to concentrate. i TRY. am still waitin for my xmas prezzie from last year!! i will juz go to ur cousin's place n take it myself la.. hahaha... bet its like under an inch of dust.. did i mention.. was away from home for the whole weekk?? not something amazin though but im home sick for the first time!! i miss mommy n daddy... and let's juz hope mommy wun kill me when she sees my hair.. *crossing my fingers* its been a almost a week.. i know i said everyth should and will be alright by now.. i'm sorry i juz cant. welcome home! =) i'm happy.. i should be.. Action speaks louder than words. Juz love u jace!!
16 December 2005
the attack. i guess i miss being freaked out by u.. not tt i want it again, its juz a feeling that i miss. *sweetx* wheee... n i saw her today!! found something much better then retail therapy!! n i juz love doin it everytime when i'm down.. will seriously go bankrupt very soonnn! spent 18910 + 2940 cents on my hair today!! can u believe it?! shesssh but i love my new hair.. i gotta love it.. i need to!! argh. 
14 December 2005
deep lassitude and numb despair. okok i know im so suppose to be studyin, mugging right now. but i juz cant. not tt i din try but im so so note-less!! shessh.. and im hungry.. i thought i wld be fine today since i had eemin n charlene for company.. still ended up washin my face with tears. but eemin's really nice today i must say! reaaaally nice!! she helped me with my report!! even when she's like so freakin tired from her match n training today. Thank You!! i felt so damn bad. din know u were sick. i'm so sorry.. ok fine.. you ARE soft hearted. happy?? n i realise this the first time i mention ur name on my blog though.. ahaha.. yuppp and charlene was damn sweet too!! "i thought i should juz put everyth aside and talk to u." and i do love u jace!! i do appreciate all that u have done. u re the best thing i ever had. -huggs- hopefully the letter did helped, not harm. im sure what u felt and what u wrote will be sincere enough to bring her back to u..
13 December 2005
5 minutes. today was crap.. rushing like nobody's business.. went to school to pass sockie laptop end up she din have to use it. shesssshh.. went to get glue, scissors, paper, sweetx to come up with smth for her.. went up for sock's interview, lost my glue went to buy again lost my scissors, went to borrow cutter. finally settle down outside bookshop to do her stuff b4 headin for nmm tutorial *beep* "on my way now, in the cab" ahhh!! im not even half done!! rushed to the bus stop to hail a cab nearly trip over at the stairs of the bridge while msging.. embarassing. den dis stupid guy came to snatch the cab with me! ass.. anyway din really bother n boarded the cab haha i know i was mean but i saw the cabby first n i'm in a rush!! sorry.. was like a mad woman tryin to cut n paste n draw in the cabby the driver was quite fascinated though.. first i snatch the ride den i start doing art in his car.. hahaha.. oh n juz in time!! reached Terminal 1 n there she is with her sis.. hmmm.. din know wad to say but she looks damn funny but cute with her new hair. aha.. the clock's tickin i only have like 5minutes passed her the card n "package" i did in the cab and ttz it. turned back to back she went her way n i went mine. i wanted a hug though.. she said her mommy's watching so... nvm. din get to initiate it. *beep* "Hey thanks for everything. You're really sweet i know." ok wdeva it is.. i know im suppose to be like mugging now for your sake but its so damn hard and impossible.. 1A and 3Bs ?!! u dink im some genius or wd?? fine!! i shall promise to study n get good grades for you. shessh.. dun even know y am i doing all this? wad do i get at the end of the day!? messy room from studyin, naggyin from mommy for messy room?? argh.. fine fine... u better give me wad i want if i get those grades for you!! and i mean it. ahhhhhhh!!! better start on my report now. nitex den its prob only 1a.m. over at ur side. plz cover urself when u sleep.. its cold in the mountain. am waitin for u as usual. still holdin on tightly.
12 December 2005
You know sth? i jus wanna say i'm jus afraid tt i might hurt u cos i dunno if we'll ever have anythin btwn us. i appreciate all u've done :( u're nice.. I promise i'll be there for u as e bestest fren u can ever have. Trust me k i take care of my closest frens the most. Cheryl Yeo will take care of u!! I'm taking my time, I'm trying to leave the memories of u behind. I'm gonna be fine, as soon as i get ur picture out of my mind. I wana feel the way u make me feel when i'm with u. I wana be the only hand you need to hold on to. but everytime i call, you dun have time. i guess, i will never get to call you mine. have a nice trip =)
11 December 2005
Making Memories of us We'll follow the rainbow Wherever the four winds blow And there'll be a new day Comin' your way I'm gonna be here for you from now on This you know somehow You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now And I'm gonna make you a promise If there's life after this I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you And I'll earn your trust making memories of us I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you And I'll win your trust making memories of us sheessh wad am i thinking.. as though she bother??? You'll think of me Someday I'm gonna run across ur mind Don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life And you're gonna think of me Oh someday baby, someday
10 December 2005
memories unfold. was flipping thru my 2004 diary.. i smiled. finally found smth worth smiling for, laughing at. flashbacksss.... January not much.. juz my 6th Month anni with alex.. he was damn sweet i must say. moving on to.. Febuary oh!! Sec 4 malacca trip!! awhhhh.... haha n i fought with rachel bestie on the 2nd day and guess who the peacemaker was?! okok i know ttz mean. haha but its damn ironic la!! rmbr how we were discussin where to keep our money?? haha okok next.. my breakup?? had my tough times.. and realise how sweet all my frens are!! =) ok i shall skip March coming up next... YAY!! April!! haha damn cute... "at squash finals. she was damn shuai n super pro!! haha n she said bye!!" stupid rite!! haha there's more to come.. "damn lucky!! went to watch 50 first dates with Lemon Barley!!" tt was her nick den.. following up... May! this was the month when i finally got to know her n she got to know me! "ahhhhh!! she msged me?!" "first convo with her.. omg her voice so freakin deep!" "phone convo from 130 to 6 in the morning! *happy*" "waiting for bus 190 for 1 1/2hrs! thanks to her!" "i said r u gonna b my girl? i wan u to be mine!" "she fed me cookie in the theatre!! and she gave me a dollar heart! *melts*" din know i used such bimbotic terms.. i want to tell you today, how u took my breath away. when u struck me so strong, yet had no where to belong. that it is only thru the bad n foes, you 'll only find sweetness n greatness you always sought n fought for. i used to memorise this k!? fine i know im lame. june was bad. she left for m'sia twice once for tourney the other for hols. ohh!! but she msged sayin that she miss me!! and she called!! and and she went out of the room to call me 'baobai' haha.. im sorry. i know this is embarassin u. she sent me a F up email though before she left for hols stating the impossibles between us however.. how can i make this undone? what can i do? how can i stop this feeling inside of u? if i could make it undone, would u be there? u're still the spell im under.. do u stil care? awhhhhh... so swweeet! came along July. she's damn ass la!! only after i board the damn bus den she msged me sayin.. "actually i wanted to ask if u can stay" wad crap?! i was alrdy at the lift even so.. stil took cab down to duchess i mean.. wow finally can go her house hahaha.. hmmmm oh but someone juz refused to pat me to sleep n insist of hugging instead. haha i know u so gonna kill me. okok last one!! August.. yay!! my birthday! she was damn frickin sweet u knowww.... she asked my bestie(e class rep) to help her unlock my classroom door early early in the mornin so she could put my prezzie in class! oh!! and she spent the whole nite doing it apart from the 2hrs of bio. and it's the puzzle she was fixing back in KL!! ok. now im sorry! i din mean to push u off the chair.. u were juz toooo light! haha but u pushed me too!! n we both got screwed by ms goh! ahaha yeah rach bestie!! i know u are the best!! *my sweetest smile* remember remember??? i juz love u rach! i love u too jace! dun be jealous.. haha ok ttz it. =) enough to make my day! how do u go on, when ur heart starts to understand tt there is no turning back? survived. crappy shit!! i'm gonna get pimples all over my face!! thanks to xmas send off party today.. glitters all over my body and face.. wad a day. what's your problem look in my direction i'll give u quality good love and affection i'll make u mine, give me some time let's get it on, here goes Love is a crazy thing it can make u lose your mind but that won't happen this time if u leave ur past behind, so baby if that's wad it takes to make u mine. off to my utopia. zZzzz....
09 December 2005
Lost sheep. what a long long day.. was on the cellphone for 5 1/2hr! called her at 3 ended our convo at 830 in the morning! Gonna get brain damage soon enough... rise and shine you are my very first thoughts in the morning and.... anyway... I,ve made it obvious.. so finally i'll sing it i've a crush on you so long i'm not so good with words and since u never notice the way that we belong i'll say it but not in a love song. feelings made known. relieve i must say. No.. but not for long. mind was set to thinkin mode again. and why izit that everyone juz gotta comment tt i'm dumb?! why?? i'm not dumb juz dun wana think in that way. haha u guys think wayyy too much. not me. so wdz next?? here's where the lost sheep comes in. thanks to her "diplomatic answer" u told me abt. now wd??!! the sun has set, the sky is dark ... my last at night fall
08 December 2005
blocked. So many questions running thru my head So many whys So many things to tell.. but nth came out from my golden mouth. maybe its juz not the right time.. thanks to reflection. it spoke for me. y is she juz like an exact duplication of u??
everytime when i decides to let go, u will juz come out with something tt makes me fall in love with u all over again.. i din get u in the end.. not bcuz i din say YES but does tt mean i wun get her too.. anyhow.. like i said, i was happy den. so yup.. THANK YOU!! for the memories.. for being there for cheering me up (though u din exactly put in the effort to.. but somehow u juz made things better) and last but not least.. for being my miracle matchmaker!! guess being friends was the right way out. =) and i really do love u!! haha as a fren i mean.. dun worry =P
07 December 2005
i dont. i wont. i cant. its juz an honest mistake. grey?? Was clearing away my stuff and came upon this 1yr 5mth 14day old email... Its not i dun believe or feel the amount you like me, it juz feels tantamount to you jumping into something you duno. and if so how can it be the correct choice? Besides, i'm still not over her yet, i cant possibly give you anything while still thinking of someone else. If it'll make u feel better, i'll never be with her though. its not possible for you and me, not possible for me and her. We all live seperate lives that cross on friendship terms. //i'll dream this way and come back another day, when i'm less afraid of it all.// do U share the exact same view??
05 December 2005
i want a billet-doux!! -from her
04 December 2005
Happy Belated Birthday Sockie...!!! ur frog n prince is on da way........
plz be patient =) |
Keagan
 An average guitar playing guy, with dreams and aspirations. one that like things simple and keep things that way. |
